How It Started / How It’s Going

by BateBroTPA

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Discovering bate culture was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

It was during the height of the pandemic, while everyone was quarantined; working from home meant more time to jack off during the day. Eventually, using video conferencing software for work all the time led to my accidental discovery of Zoom rooms filled with masturbating men.

My dick got stiff and my mind was blown.

Dozens of guys of all different body types, naked, erect, stroking, huffing, many of them getting verbal, egging each other on, fueling each other, and cheering their brothers through intense, explosive orgasms.

As a natural exhibitionist, watching all these guys masturbate was more than just porn to me; I enjoyed being watched while I stroked my dick. It was fucking utopia!

So, while my husband was tucked away in the office we shared in our two-bedroom condo, during the day I increasingly found myself stretched out in our bed, door locked, laptop between my feet, stroking my stiff dick for hours with other horny men. My addiction was fixed and growing.

It was a chance encounter in one of those rooms that really set things in motion, though; someone asked me if I was on BateWorld. I had no idea what it was, but the answer—“It’s like Facebook, but for masturbators”—was intriguing, so I checked it out, created a profile, and used the free trial to bate in their video chatroom. (I’ve been a paying subscriber ever since, and you’ll still find me there most nights.)

That was really the turning point. I had known about the concept of being a “side”; a couple of years earlier, my husband had suggested it was probably my primary sexual role. I considered it but didn’t think too much about it at the time. I just thought that, like all guys, I liked to jerk off. A lot.

BateWorld opened my eyes to the existence of bate culture and a brotherhood of men who not only like to masturbate, but often (or always) prefer it.

As I met more and more guys who identified as bators, I started posting short video clips of my edged cum loads on Twitter; from there, I found out more and more about the brotherhood, including discovering gooncaps and other bator memes (which still get my dick hard after all this time), as well as the bate-focused porn videos and trainers that I still use to fuel my edging sessions. (In addition to my brothers’ cams, of course—they’re always going to be my primary fuel!)

I soon had to admit to myself that there was more going on here than just liking to jack off. I was a bator. I was, or I wanted to be, a real part of this brotherhood.

That set me off on a different kind of journey, not just a physical one but a psychological one, because—and I think this experience is common to a lot of guys in the bator brotherhood—coming to terms with this new identity required a little bit of work for me.

It required overcoming the usual shame that can attach to masturbation, and all sexuality, from the time we are children. I considered myself pretty sex positive and I didn’t feel acute guilt about jacking off, but at the same time, I had a nagging voice telling me I shouldn’t enjoy masturbation so much or (worst of all) do it so much, or let other guys see how much I enjoyed it. I definitely shouldn’t let anyone in my real life know about it.

There were also the social or cultural issues we inherit and impose on ourselves: sex is penetration, so what you’re doing isn’t sex, and you should be wanting to have “real” sex. In fact, since it takes you so long to cum when you actually do have penetrative sex, you need to stop masturbating altogether so you can cum when you fuck.

Eventually I was able to get to that point, but it took some time.

That process had started in early 2020 and lasted for the next couple of years. They were crazy times in general (really, we still live in crazy times); I was struggling with intense, chronic depression (I still do, but things are much better now); and my relationship with my husband was not in a good place (in part because, you guessed it, we were/are no longer having sex; however, we are also in a much better place now because our relationship has changed a lot).¹

All those issues probably explain why there was such a disconnect between what I knew I loved to do and how I felt about what I was doing , but I got there eventually.

I had first learned about Healthy Friction on BateWorld (if you’re not familiar, it’s a long-running event for masturbators that happens a few times a year on the east and west coasts of the U.S.). “Sounds awesome,” I thought. “But that’s a lot. That’s not for guys like me.” Except, it happens once a year in Fort Lauderdale, and I live in Florida. It’s close.

In spring 2022, I bit the bullet and signed up for the event happening that August. Like my discovery of BateWorld two years earlier, that decision was an epic game-changer. I got to spend four days at a nudist resort surrounded by other men who loved penis and masturbation as much as I did. The orgasms were mind-bending and the effects were permanent. This was fucking brotherhood. I almost immediately signed up for the next event, in October 2022 in Palm Springs. My second experience was likewise equal parts “insanely hot” and “personally transformative.”

That’s what really got me into the next phase of this journey, the one I’m in now: not just accepting that I’m a bator, but embracing it and, moreover, being proud of it.

And dudes, I am a proud fucking masturbator. I love getting on cam every night and stroking with my brothers, fueling them with my exposed masturbation (full face on cam!), and coaching them with explicit verbal directions:

It feels good. It’s fun. And there’s nothing wrong with it.

It also satisfies primal impulses I didn’t even know I had: displaying my manhood to other men; letting them know without shame that they arouse me; ogling their sweaty, hairy bodies; getting them turned on and edged up; making them precum, moan, goon out, squirt—it’s the best sex of my life, hands down, no question.

And it is sex. It is intimate, even if it is remote.

It also helps me feel like I am a part of something. It’s a bonding experience. It’s a feeling of camaraderie and, yes, brotherhood. And for me, growing up (for the most part) as the only child of a single mom, it put me in touch with manhood and masculinity like nothing else ever had, as well as what it felt like to have not just siblings, but brothers. Fraternity.

I really do think bate culture is the cure to male loneliness. When I log on and see my brothers—both those familiar faces/cocks I see nightly, and those men who are my brothers just by virtue of being online masturbating—I really do feel like part of a community and a brotherhood, men united in our love of penis and our eager willingness to sexualize and get off on each other’s stiff dicks and manly bodies.

These days, I’m a proud fucking masturbator. I attended my third Healthy Friction event in August 2023 and felt even more “self-actualized” as a bator than I ever have before. Confident, proud, open, enthusiastic, unashamed. I identify as a bator on my Grindr, Scruff, and Recon profiles, and I have shared the link to my bator Twitter alt on those platforms enough to assume that most of my casual friends know all this about me. (I have to be a little careful because of my job, at least for now.)

I want other guys to feel all this, too, which is part of the reason I started this site. Lots of bators are already there, but some aren’t. Let’s fix that.³

So, here’s my free, unasked-for advice: don’t just accept who you are, embrace who you are and be proud. Join the fucking brotherhood, bro!

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1. I hope to write more about some of these topics in the future! ↩︎
2. Being able to be verbal on cam actually took me a long time and I had to gain a lot of confidence to do it. But I only get verbal in spaces where listeners can mute me–like BateWorld and Discord–if they aren’t into what I’m serving! ↩︎
3. Of course, some guys really enjoy the sensation of feeling like a loser masturbator, and honestly, I get into that sometimes, too. Whatever keeps your dick stiff, man! ↩︎